Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Some most unfortunate news

We received Grandpa's RSVP this past weekend, and he declined our invitation.

Long-ish kinda story:

He further wrote on the RSVP that he is insulted that my last name (my last name = dad's last name = grandpa's last name) was not mentioned on the invitation. He also added that he denies that I'm my father's stepdaughter (his words...he thinks our invitation says I'm not my dad's natural daughter, so he thinks he's denying that fact, which we never NEVER never intended to mean; I am my father's natural daugther) and that a marriage certificate in the names indicated on the invitation will be null and void. He think we are saying that the name presented (my first and middle names) is my legal name.

Well, when I saw this, I was infuriated by his taking insult from our invitation as there was no intent to imply anything...especially that I'm not my father's daughter! You can probably imagine how angry I was. Because he's making a big fat something out of NOTHING!!!

Here's the format we used for our invitations:

Simple, Traditional Format

[proper names of those hosting] (official hosts line)

request the honor of your presence (request line)

at the marriage of their [relationship of the bride to the host]

[bride's first and middle names] <-- here is where Grandpa finds offense


[groom's full name],

the [day of the week] of [day and month of wedding]

at [hour] o'clock in the [time of day] at

[name of wedding venue] in

[city, state]

Reception to follow

source: here

Most etiquette guides on wedding invitation wording use this format! Including Ms. Emily Post. Here's some other info you'll need to know. It is in Filipino tradition that we carry our mother's maiden names as our middle name. So as my name is presented...it kind of looks like my middle name is my last name.

Our invitation designer also reassured me that etiquette follows that if the parents' names are mentioned first, it is assumed the bride's last name is the same.

Yesterday, this broke me. I started writing a letter to my Grandpa apologizing for the misunderstanding, and that our intention was not what he believes so to be. I printed out conversations with our designer, and I printed out etiquette guides on wedding invitation wording. I told him that I've always loved and respected him, and that it is still with love that I write that letter. I have yet to send it; my aunt, Dad's sister, told me that she would try to speak with him first.

I cried to my sister, and she tried her best to comfort me. It hurts that he thinks my intention was to say that I'm not my father's natural daughter. <-- This one really hurts. I NEVER denied that he is my natural father. NEVER EVER EVER!

To be honest though, it'll just never be the same for me when I look at him. I don't think I can love him the same. It really hurts...I mean, it breaks my heart.


Cheap Wife said...

What a COMPLETE JERK!!! grrrrr
Hun that sounds TERRIBLE!!

And here you are feeling bad for maybe misleading him and you are hurt that he thinks you intentions are wrong. Don't put this on you!
I do not know you...I don't know the whole story, but your grandfather is 100% out of line! He is your family and to be insulted and turn his back on you is not acceptable. Be insulted all he wants...that is fine, but the way he acted was NOT!
You did nothing wrong and even if you did...you still don't deserve that treatment.
HE is the one with the issue
I am sorry! :-(

AmyJean said...

I'm so sorry you are going through. It seems with the older generation of asian men, they seem to find insult in things that don't carry any. My father is the same way. If my decision doesn't agree with him, i'm somehow going out of my way to purposely hurt and destroy his life. Yes, VERY DRAMATIC! I feel so sorry for you but at the same time, always remember this. You know your intent. You can relay your intent. It is up to your grandfather to accept or not. Apparently he wants to be hurt/angry over something, today - this may just be what he chooses to find that emotion over!

Good luck! Keep us posted!

ami @ elizabeth anne designs said...

wow, that is so .... sad. and hurtful. i'm so sorry you are having to go through this!